Trump Deploys National Guard to Norway After Nobel Snub –
“Biggest Peace Prize Theft in History,” says man who once tried to buy Greenland.
In what historians are already calling “Tuesday”, former president and self-proclaimed “Best Peacemaker in the History of Peace” Donald J. Trump has reportedly ordered an “emergency deployment” of the National Guard to Norway after learning he did not win the Nobel Peace Prize — again.
“It’s rigged. Everyone knows it. I brought more peace than anyone in history. Bigger peace than Lincoln. Even bigger than Jesus — and he had great peace, tremendous peace,” Trump said outside a Mar-a-Lago breakfast buffet, still wearing golf shoes and clutching a Diet Coke like a grenade.
According to anonymous sources close to the Operation Golden Ego, Trump allegedly “furloughed” the Nobel Committee by executive order, which he cannot legally issue but “feels like he can, and that’s basically the same thing,” per one aide nervously hiding under a table.
“Hostile Takeover of Peace”
The former president then announced what he called “the greatest, most beautiful, most peaceful military operation in the history of Nobel Prizes.”
600 National Guard members were reportedly told to “secure the prize”
Trump’s legal team filed something called “a strongly worded Truth Social post”
A hastily printed banner reading “Make Nobel Great Again” was spotted on a C-130 cargo plane heading nowhere in particular.
Trump then declared, “We’re liberating Oslo. They’ll thank me later. Probably give me TWO prizes.”
The Nobel Committee issued a statement saying, “We appreciate Mr. Trump’s enthusiasm, but we are a prize committee — not a hostile foreign nation — and he cannot, in fact, invade us with the National Guard.”
In a gesture of “goodwill and mild confusion,” the Committee offered Trump the opportunity to submit a written statement, since the teleprompter fuse had apparently blown out again — almost certainly the same saboteur responsible for the broken escalator at Trump Tower.
The statement was promptly returned to him covered in red ink, after Nobel language specialist — and former Freedom High English teacher Mrs. Lennox — went through two full red pens correcting spelling, grammar, and what she described as “unholy sentence structures.”
“I haven’t seen grammar this bad since a sophomore tried to rhyme ‘orange’ with *‘freedom,’” Mrs. Lennox said, still clutching the mangled manuscript. “If this man ever wrote The Art of the Deal, someone else definitely proofread it.”
Within minutes, Trump fired off a Truth Social post declaring Mrs. Lennox “a FAKE teacher — probably not even real,” calling her red pen “WOKE,” and accusing her of being part of “the Radical Punctuation Cartel.”
“She’s always hated Trump students. Everyone knows it. Worst teacher. Many people are saying this,” he wrote.
After that debacle, they agreed to a Zoom interview utilizing Cueprompter, but the words were reportedly “too big.” Trump then waved his hands, declared himself “a natural speaker like Lincoln and Jesus,” and decided to just riff.
One committee member described the performance as “a 47-minute filibuster that could only be translated as… jazz.”
Peaceful Chaos
The Norwegian government reportedly remains calm, issuing a polite statement reminding Trump that:
He is not president,
He does not command the National Guard, and
“We have really good chocolate but no patience for weird men yelling about prizes.”
Meanwhile, several MAGA supporters are believed to have booked flights to Oslo with “PRIZE RESCUE UNIT” T-shirts, apparently convinced they’re storming a building full of trophies.
Debate Junkie Take:
If Trump’s ego were a military power, Norway would have already surrendered.
