RAPTURE-TRACK™ 2025: Live Blog of the End (or Just Tuesday)
Tuesday, Sept 23 — Australia (UTC+10)
By Debate Junkie Staff
Tuesday, Sept 23, 2025 — New Zealand (UTC+13)
12:04 AM NZST — First to see the sun, first to confirm: still no heavenly boarding calls. Sheep remain fully grounded. Rugby pubs still open.
2:15 AM NZST — Farmer in Christchurch reports three cows missing. RAPTURE-TRACK™ initially flagged it as “possible ascension.” Later confirmed: broken fence.
1:30 AM AEST — Reports of glowing lights over Sydney. Turns out: drone light show for Taylor Swift tour. Humanity still safe (or doomed, depending on your view).
3:45 AM AEST — Beer coolers vanish from Gold Coast beach party. RAPTURE-TRACK™ heat map lights up, but authorities blame kangaroos.
Tuesday, Sept 23 — Japan (UTC+9)
4:00 AM JST — Bullet trains still running on time. One conductor left an empty seat “for Elijah.” No boarding pass yet.
Monday, Sept 22 — Europe (UTC+1)
9:30 PM CET — Vatican City confirms “minor staffing shortages,” but Swiss Guard still fully staffed. Pope reportedly scrolling RAPTURE-TRACK™ app “just in case.”
11:12 PM CET — French cafés remain crowded. Locals shrug, sip espresso, and say: “If it happens, it happens.”
Monday, Sept 22 — U.S. East Coast (UTC-4)
3:05 PM EDT — TSA reports slightly shorter lines. Chick-fil-A drive-thru still faster than the stairway to heaven.
3:20 PM EDT — Pastor in Georgia goes live on Facebook: “We’re still here, folks. But keep your suitcases packed.”
Monday, Sept 22 — California (UTC-7)
12:15 PM PDT — Seismologists confirm earthquakes remain on schedule. No heavenly tremors detected.
12:30 PM PDT — Yoga studio in Santa Monica offers “Ascension Discount: First class free if you bring your own halo.”
⚠️ Closing Advisory
As of press time, RAPTURE-TRACK™ confirms the following:
No official lift-offs.
Plenty of missing beer coolers.
Social media debates hotter than hell itself.
Stay tuned. Updates may continue until everyone’s either gone, or it’s Wednesday.
